Chuck’s Corner

June, 2008

The other day I awoke to the weather report on the clock-radio. “It’s 82 degrees…at 5:00 in the morning.” “Ugh! I hate it when it’s hot and muggy” I thought to myself as I rolled over and went back to sleep.

When I finally got out of bed a few hours later, it was even hotter. “We’d better get the yard mowed soon before it hits 95” I said to my son. “Can’t we mow it tomorrow?” he complained. “It will just be hotter” I replied as we went to the garage to retrieve the mower and weed-whacker.

In less than an hour we were done. We were both dripping wet with sweat and covered with grass clippings. “I’m going swimming” said my son as he jumped into the pool. “Have fun” I said as I went into the house in desperate need of a nice refreshing shower.

As I stood in the shower I glanced at the soap dish and saw that there was just a sliver of soap left so I reached out of the shower and into the vanity cabinet for a new bar. They weren’t where I usually keep them within easy reach of the shower so I had to grab a towel and perform a more thorough search. “Maybe someone put them up in the medicine chest” I thought. Nope. None there either. Irritated, I went ahead and used the sliver.

During my shower I pondered what could have happened to the soap. A year or so ago we were at one of those wholesale clubs and bought what I assumed at the time was a lifetime supply of soap. In fact, I was pretty sure the last time I took a bar out of the vanity there were still 5 or 6 bars remaining. I finished my shower, got dressed and went off in search of the missing soap.

The first place I searched was the kids’ bathroom. Our daughter takes what seems to me to be 5 or 6 showers a day so this seemed a likely place to start looking. Unfortunately, the only soap there was a lone bar in the shower soap dish and a bottle of hand soap on the counter. “This is REALLY strange. Surely nobody would put all of that soap in the shower in the back room!” I mused as I went off to the back of the house.

As soon as I entered the room I detected a familiar odor. “Aha! I knew I’d find it” I gloated. I walked through the dark room and flipped on the light in the bathroom. I threw open the vanity and found…nothing. Well, there were things there but none of them was soap. “That’s impossible! I can smell it!” I thought as I turned and walked out of the bathroom and immediately noticed the soap smell grow stronger. I turned on the overhead lights and immediately saw the reason there’s no soap in any of our bathrooms: in addition to its “regular” use as a cleanser, it can also be used as an artistic medium.

Yes, every table in the room was littered with objects of varying shapes formed entirely of soap. Somewhere our daughter had learned that you can take a bar of soap (or 5 or 6) and soften them with a little water until they become pliable and then be shaped into balls or birds or whatever. There was a small bird’s nest filled with eggs, a cup and saucer, and, oddly, a soap dish with a bar of soap in it all made entirely of soap.

Scattered among the soap sculptures were a variety of knives, spoons, sticks and other implements used to shape and detail the figures. “Have you seen this?” I asked my wife who had just entered the room. “Isn’t it clever?” she said, “She and her friend have been doing it for a while now. I think they’ve used every bar of soap in the house!” “So I’ve noticed” I thought to myself. “Well, I’m off to the store. Do you need me to get anything?” said my wife as she headed to the front door. “Soap would be good” I called after her.

I then went in search of our daughter and explained to her that, while it was a really clever idea and very well implemented, she really should tell someone when she cleans out the last bar of soap in the house. “Sorry, Daddy” she said. “Would you like an egg?” she suggested helpfully. “I’ll take two” I replied.